Can you have a best friend of the opposite sex when you’re married? Not just a “Hey how are you” and hug when you see each other, type friend. But a friend you go have drinks with, go fishing with, catch a sports game with, spend time with? I was intrigued the other day when I saw a Facebook post where a woman said that women are too much drama and that she was glad she had “My Guys.” (Her guys) I asked her if any of these guys were married. I was intrigued and thought I would blog about it.
She, her best guy friend and her girlfriend started getting rude and called me Insecure, and made fun of me writing a blog. I seriously think I was being cyber bullied! The girlfriend who commented sounded super angry that she was no longer able to hang out with her male best friend because his wife was “very insecure” and didn’t like her husband hanging out with her. That’s when I started thinking, is it really an insecure thing? I mean, I’ve never been in this type of situation where someone that I’m dating has a female best friend. So I really don’t know how I would feel, but I don’t think I would be ok with my man basically going on dates and spending time with another woman.
So I decided to ask my Facebook friends. “Does your spouse have a best friend of the opposite sex, who they’ve known for forever that they hang out with, without you? Sporting events, dinners, bars for a drink, golf, fishing..” Luckily, I have good friends who shared their views without getting rude or disrespectful to anyone else who commented. Most women said no, they don’t have a best friend of the opposite sex, neither does their husband. “I’m his best friend of the opposite sex. That’s why we got married,” my cousin wrote.
2 women shared that they do have a male best friend who they hang out with without their significant other. 4 out of 6 men said no, it wasn’t a good idea. “There’s no such thing as a guy and girl best friend,” one comment read. There were also at least 10 other people who reached out to me privately about about this topic, and all said no, they wouldn’t be ok with their spouse hanging out with another woman.
Feel free to read the comments yourself at my Facebook page.
I like to understand things that I don’t understand. And I guess I just want to understand how people are ok with spending time with someone who is not their spouse. I’m not married, but I don’t have any close friends who’s husband just hangs out with another woman. Isn’t your best friend supposed to be your spouse? If I’m in a relationship, and I’m going to hang out with another man, ‘we’ are hanging out with them.
One guy I spoke with said his girlfriend was ok with him hanging out with his (girl)friend who is like family, but the friend isn’t attractive. So is that why the girlfriend is ok with it? Because she doesn’t feel threatened or intimidated by the friend? Is that the trick, they can’t be attractive? I’m so confused! I spoke with one guy friend privately who I knew had a very close friendship with a female who is in a relationship. He says he made sure he made a friendship with his friend’s boyfriend. He said “I wouldn’t disrespect him if he wasn’t cool with us hanging out here and there. I wasn’t raised that way.”
Don’t get me wrong, I do have guy friends. But I’m not super close to any man the way I am with my girlfriends. And I’ve actually lost a few guy friends along the way because they begin to want more than just friendship. Hell, I recently had to tell a “friend” to fuck off because he started being an asshole to me. Just because he saw me out with a man.
Have I ever “fallen” for a friend? Yes I have. Tear. This is why I have a hard time believing a man and a woman can be “just friends.” I feel at some point one or both parties will develop feelings for the other, no matter how much you know you shouldn’t.
Thanks to everyone who shared their stories on my post! Like I said, I do not know one married couple in a healthy relationship, who’s partner hangs out with someone of the opposite sex, even if they used to be best friends. I don’t ask these questions to change my mind, I ask them because I like to understand, even if I don’t agree. So of course, I’d love to get your thoughts and opinions!
Cheers to everyone in healthy relationships!
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